You Look Great! Have You Lost Weight? (And other backhanded compliments)
You Look Great! Have You Lost Weight? (And Other Backhanded Compliments)
Would you ever say to a friend, “You don’t look so great. Have you put on weight?”
Most of us would NEVER say that to someone.
What we need to realize is that is exactly what goes through someone’s mind if their weight does shift up - for whatever reason - when they’ve been complimented in the past for weight loss.
Commenting on someone’s weight loss does not take into consideration why it may have happened. If they’ve been sick or grieving or dealing with insufficient finances, their ‘success’ has come unintentionally and with great heartache.
We assume that regardless of the cause, anyone would want to be a smaller size. That is THE GOAL, whatever the means.
When we praise a person for losing weight, we are focusing on a very small part of what may be a complex and frightening situation.
But, you say, what if they have been trying to lose weight, it’s working, and I simply want to encourage them and recognize their success?
I want you to think down the road to 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years from now. If their weight fluctuates in an upward direction, they will inevitably hear echoes of all those compliments. Only this time they will be damning, hurtful comments on the weight gain. You won’t ever say it out loud to them, but they will, no less, hear it.
Because if being smaller increased their value to the extent that someone commented on it, you can believe that they will assume they are less valuable now that their weight has increased.
How do I know this?
Experience.
Because of dieting my weight has cycled up and down many times over the years. I’ve had many people compliment me when I’ve dieted and worn smaller sized jeans. It’s not hard to come to the conclusion that I’m less compliment worthy when my jeans size is up.
So, let’s be kind and NOT comment on a friend’s weight loss.
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💞
Sonya
